Sassybaskets the Ferocious, Apple Loving Hungarian Horntail

[Guest]

Sassybaskets the giant Hungarian Horntail descended onto the green field of Hogwarts grounds. This looked like a nice feeding ground for the next rest of ever. He stomped in a circle, casing the joint, casually ripping screaming students to shreds beneath his gratuitously clawed and fabulously manicured toes. The great Sassybaskets, last of the old space dragons, had arrived here to feast and drink and - hot damn those looked like some delicious apples over in the distance. Suddenly, Sassybaskets the Great was taken back to his days as a dragon cub.

Those were the days... Days of terrorizing the local children (and eating them). Days of setting the countryside on fire, and burninating all the people. And, of course, days of eating the delicious apples of his Albanian home. He liked them slightly roasted, slathered in childsauce with a side of hippogryff toasted crisp. He devoured them dipped in boiled acromantula venom, next to mashed giant squid. Most of all, he loved eating them perched on his mother's lap, delightedly charring every adorable woodland creature who dared dart across his clearing, seeking to be reunited with family members on the other side. Once, he boiled an entire lake until it evaporated and left a crater in the earth where Sassy would store his apples like a squirrel. Then real squirrels started eating his apples so he killed them and ate them. They tasted faintly of apple.

And then tragedy struck. Sassybasket's great mother, Susan, was brought down by a certain Bard of Dale, curiously assisted by thirteen dwarves and an invisible hobbit. To this day, Susan's bones are erected in the Chicago Field Museum as "Sue" the tragically mistitled T-Rex. Sassy made a mental note to go burn the museum to the ground later.

Since then, Sassy has ever taken joy in apples, remembering the good days past and his large and e'er growing collection of hilariously posed burned squirrels. He stomps again on the beautiful, freshly mown, dew speckled grass of Hogwarts Grounds, effectively ripping out a good chunk of it with his great taloned feet and scattering dirt and worms and Blast Ended Skrewts across the remaining grass which wasn't actually grass anymore, but a mat of charred and crisped students. Oh look, there were apple trees here. Perfect.

[Dean Thomas]

You should know. We were just read this over Skype..And all of us died laughing.

please don't eat me

[Adelia Kara Whiteraven]

I LOVE YOU. SO. DAMN. MUCH!!!! <3 <33


-feeds soem stupid people aka that one chick named after a tree for Sassybaskets to eat-

[Guest]

Sassy turned his head slowly and stared directly into Dean's black, black soul. Now that was some true Thug Aim. Man that brotha was from da HOOD. He decided to speak a language this dark chocolate brotha would understand. "Excuse me, I speak jive," he cleared his throat, accidentally dislodging some fire and burning Dean until he was even blacker than he usually is. "Oops."

[Guest]

SASSYBASKETS.
Can you teach me the oh-so-powerful language known as jive?

[Dean Thomas]

Dean gets his swag on. "Yo brotha, watch where you be spitting dat flame homeboy!" He fist bumps his chest twice then holds out the peace sign.

[Fred Weasley - Inactive]

OMR! Airplane?! I might love you... whoever you are.

[Guest]

"Yo, you know wha' they say: See a broad to get that bodiac lay'er down an' smack 'em yack 'em." Sassybaskets swaggered on back a bit and put a hat on, sideways, like a mofo. Admittedly, he spoke a bit different of a jive dialect than this spectacularly black man, but luckily subtitles appeared in thin air. Like magic. "EARLY TO BED, EARLY TO RISE, MAKES A MAN HEALTHY, WEALTHY AND WISE," they said.

[James Potter - Inactive]

TEAM SASSYBASKETS FTW

[Dean Thomas]

Dean is a pimp. He walks with a limp. "It's time iz be goin ta da mutha lan. I ain't been dair in 450 years. Can i hitch a ride witchoo?" He purses his huge black man lips and did the gangsta lean.

[Guest]

Sassy the Great tires of this black nonsense. He made a face which said, in no uncertain terms, "I am disinclined to continue speech in this ridiculous silly-language of yours, and now wish to find all of the apples. If you continue your shenanigans, I will devour you and your blackness, which is very black." He nodded smartly and stalked off, yelling "THE TOWER? THE TOWER? RAPUNZEL!!"

[Dean Thomas]

"Aiiight man. Peace out ma home skillet! Fo shizzle mah nizzle baby bizzle, shiz nit fo' sho!" He held out another peace sign, then limped away with his pimp cane while playing them gangsta tunes on his huge boom box.

[Guest]

...and burninating all the people.

In their thatched roof cottages! THATCHED ROOF COTTAGES!

Also, it seems that the ongoing stugle between apples and non-apples isn't restricted to this cosmos. As not only a dragon but a space dragon, you have made this apparent. Perhaps in Buckbeaks travels in Hagrid's Interstellar Cabin [which I belive were akin to Dr. Who's] we have cross paths before.

[Sponsored content]