Boredom + All nighter= Rated R Insanity

[Daphne Greengrass]

Lord Voldemort was stressed. He had he and Bella's 500th intercourse to plan, a Death Eater party to arrange, Albus Dumbledore to murder, and Draco Malfoy to frame for it; he was swamped. He needed some way to relieve stress, before he spontaneously combusted. A loud sound disturbed his thoughts. The Dark Lord seethed- he would not be interrupted by a loud buzzing noise. He marched downstairs, ready to murder whoever was making that noise with a quick incantation and a flash of green light.
The noise broke the silence again, and Voldemort pushed open the kitchen door with a bang.
"Wormtail, what is that?" Voldemort snapped.
"A vuvuzela, my lord. It's a South African horn," Wormtail said, whimpering.
Voldemort raised his wand, ready to attack, but then he realized he needed Wormtail. Who else would serve drinks at the party?
"Give it to me, Wormtail," Voldemort said, his cold, high voice ringing out. "You can no longer interrupt my planning." Peter handed over the vuvuzela as fast as he could, and he rushed out of the room.
Voldemort returned to his quarters, and he tossed the vuvuzela on the bed. What could he do to relieve his stress? Suddenly, an idea popped into his head. Why not masturbate? He rushed over to his dresser, and rummaged around in his sock drawer. It seemed as if that Penelope Rosier had stolen his vibrator again. At least he washed it before and after every use. He wouldn't contract her blue waffle, no way. Voldemort sat back on the bed, distraught. What now? he asked himself, running a hand over his bald head. His hand fell to clutch the sheets, but it knocked into something hard before it met it's destination. Of course he thought. This vuvuzela is long and hard, and it just might do. [By the way, I don't really know how guys masturbate.] He gripped the long instrument, and proceeded to thrust his extremely large dick into the opposite of the mouth end. It's true that Voldemort has a colassal penis. If you're envisioning a fairly large ceramic puppy, you will be able to estimate his length. Voldemort moaned, louder and louder with each thrust. The door banged open. "Master, are you alright? I heard yo- is that my vuvuzela?" asked a frantic Wormtail.
"Get out, Wormtail!" screeched the Dark Lord. "Or I'll turn you into a dildo!" Wormtail left halfheartedly.
Voldemort resumed thrusting, groaning. Who knew that a plastic horn could grant so much pleasure? Voldemort came then, and it burst out of the top of the horn. Voldemort has a cum fountain, you see. He licked the sweet liquid off the side off the horn, reveling in its taste. He returned the horn to his cock, and repeated the whole process. Six more times. Voldemort's got a nonstop cock. When he finished, he patted the vuvuzela affectionatly, and returned it to Wormtail, who treasured it forever.

Eh, whatever. I was bored. But isn't Voldezela awesome? Don't make fun of my smut, by the way. I tried.

[Fleur Delacour - Inactive]

Dee I am scarred.

[Daphne Greengrass]

Me too, Elise. Me too.

I think I'm high...

[Fleur Delacour - Inactive]

I don't...
I can't even...

*dead*

[Romilda Vane]

...

I don't...can't formulate...coherent...sentences...

...

Dee, would you object to being sent to a mental institute?

[Molly Prewett]

OH
MY
GOD



*sits in a corner, rocking back and forth*

[Viktor Krum - Inactive]

...

[Scorpius Malfoy]

OH MY FUCKING GOD.
Dee, as crazy as this was, I freaking love you.
I am dead from laughter, dead from the imagery...and this isn't something you really want to imagine, dead from just the whole idea.
You're crazy and amazing.

[Guest]

WHY

WHY DEE

WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME

[Penelope Rosier]

It seemed as if that Penelope Rosier had stolen his vibrator again. At least he washed it before and after every use. He wouldn't contract her blue waffle, no way.

...bitch please

by the way. i think this cracked my insanity. i just sat here giggling for about five minutes. that was...i can't even...

[Lucy Weasley]

OH MY FUCKING GOD.
Dee, as crazy as this was, I freaking love you.
I am dead from laughter, dead from the imagery...and this isn't something you really want to imagine, dead from just the whole idea.
You're crazy and amazing.

^THAT.

LOVE YOU FIANCEE/TRIPLET/LION LOVERRRRRR.

[Molly Prewett]

I made the mistake of reading this again. Just when I could almost pass for a civilian.... *kisses normalcy goodbye*

[Lucy Weasley]

OH THANKS MYA. THANKS FOR THAT. NOW BECAUSE OF YOU, I READ IT. AGAIN.

He wouldn't contract her blue waffle, no way.

And I KNOW WHAT THIS IS THIS TIME. o.o

[Molly Prewett]

I'M SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Remus Lupin]

*just now reading this*

*is dead*

[Daphne Greengrass]

I made the mistake of reading this again.

Just noticed this... Mistake? *narrows eyes*

[Molly Prewett]

I made the mistake of reading this again.

Just noticed this... Mistake? *narrows eyes*

My darling girl, there is only so much the human brain can take....

I love you.
XXOO

[Scorpius Malfoy]

...
I just reread this...
I love Dee.

[Sponsored content]