The Funeral of Common Sense

[Draco Malfoy]

[I didn't write this but I thought I should share this]

Welcome Everyone!

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.

Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate and teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Panadol, sun lotion or a sticky plaster to a student; but, could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realise that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I'm A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realised he was gone.

If you still remember him pass this on. If not join the majority and do nothing!

[Adrian Black - Inactive]

*cries hysterically on someone's shoulder*

[Guest]

You will be missed, oh sensible one.

[Katie Bell]

Common sense? What is this you talk of? I'm pretty sure i never had it to begin with.


[Pretty sure i've never read anything truer]

[Adrian Black - Inactive]

[Is "truer" a word? It sounds weird when I say it in my head. :/]

[Padma Patil]

*sobs* You will be missed, beloved friend.
[I read that!! It made me so sad... I have a note on FB about it, actually... There's more: https://www.facebook.com/notes/hannah-scott-ravikumar/stupidity-of-the-world/149429672654]

[Draco Malfoy]

*sobs* You will be missed, beloved friend.
[I read that!! It made me so sad... I have a note on FB about it, actually... There's more: https://www.facebook.com/notes/hannah-scott-ravikumar/stupidity-of-the-world/149429672654]

[Didn't work... post the text here please!]

[Guest]

*places roses by grave and wipes tears from eyes* Commen sense... I never knew him that much. He was an acquaintance of mine, I only wish I had been able to introduce him to my mother before he left us. He was a great person. The world will never quite the same... *begins to sob*

[Guest]

[quote="Tamsyn Marvene Riddle"] churches became businesses; [\quote]

For reals! I had to sit through a 20 minute presentation in my Business seminar class for a Church business plan. It was then proceded by me giving a presentation about a Harry Potter Bed and Breakfast.

*Blows nose* *sob* We are going to miss you Common Sense.

[Padma Patil]

*sobs* You will be missed, beloved friend.
[I read that!! It made me so sad... I have a note on FB about it, actually... There's more: https://www.facebook.com/notes/hannah-scott-ravikumar/stupidity-of-the-world/149429672654]

[Didn't work... post the text here please!]

[gahh! ok... it's rather long but here it is:
1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large
fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the
process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning
'bloodsucking creatures'
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.
EVER WONDER
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff??

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?


Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?


If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( I have no other time to dry my hair).

On a bag of Fritos:! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details
inside. (the shoplifter special)?


On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that
would
be how???....)


On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." ( But, it's
"just" a suggestion).


On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside
down."
(well.... a bit late huh?)


On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
(...nahhh... Really??...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)


On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with
head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking
this
because???....)


On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as
opposed to... what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now,
somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)


On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat
nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable
you
to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)]

[Guest]

for those who relied on you, you will be missed, but for those who didnt even now you were there... i feel bad for them, because they wont be able to remember who you were

[Demelza Robins]

*sobs* You will be missed, beloved friend.
[I read that!! It made me so sad... I have a note on FB about it, actually... There's more: https://www.facebook.com/notes/hannah-scott-ravikumar/stupidity-of-the-world/149429672654]

[Didn't work... post the text here please!]

[gahh! ok... it's rather long but here it is:
1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large
fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the
process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning
'bloodsucking creatures'
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.
EVER WONDER
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff??

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?


Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?


If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( I have no other time to dry my hair).

On a bag of Fritos:! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details
inside. (the shoplifter special)?


On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that
would
be how???....)


On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." ( But, it's
"just" a suggestion).


On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside
down."
(well.... a bit late huh?)


On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
(...nahhh... Really??...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)


On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with
head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking
this
because???....)


On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as
opposed to... what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now,
somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)


On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat
nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable
you
to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)]

This made me laugh. A LOT.

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