Re: The Apple Trees

[Viktor Krum - Inactive]

Viktor looked at Alice in shock. "He vouldn't! Do you really think he vould do that? I mean, I've never heard of a love as true as Billy the Pony and Treebeard the Ent. And I hope I get to come to the vedding. I don't know them too vell, but I'm sure you can alvays bring a guest."

[Alice Prewett]

"If Bill isn't pleasuring him enough, then who knows what he'll do. Legolas is the spare in this situation. He's such a spare." Alice nods, grabbing another apple. "Yeah, sure. You can be my plus one!"

[Viktor Krum - Inactive]

"Awesome," he said happily because who doesn't love a good wedding. Honestly now. "Vait- Legolas is a spare? Huh. I know a spare. They vould be perfect for each other," he said, referring to Cedric the temptress.

[Alice Prewett]

"We really should get all the spares in the world together. There's always just there, being spare. Oh, look, I made a rhyme," Alice giggles. THE REST OF THIS POST HAS BEEN REMOVED DUE TO RAMBLING AND IDIOCY.

[Viktor Krum - Inactive]

Viktor laughed and fully agreed. "Yeah. I could definitely do vithout the spares in my life. Nothing but trouble," he said, shaking his head.

[Alice Prewett]

"Yeah, you snog a spare, and then BAM, you're in trouble. Spares really like ducks, though, so if you're a duck, you're in even more trouble." Alice rolls her eyes. "Silly spares."

[Viktor Krum - Inactive]

Viktor blinks. It all makes sense now. "Wow. You really know vot you're talking about, Alice. It doesn't help ven the duck is sexy and gets himself a tattoo either. Apparently spares love tattoos and piercings."

[Alice Prewett]

"Spares are crazy people. Spares also like making out with people who have boyfriends. Did you know that?" Alice asks. Viktor needed to know the threat spares are to society.

[Viktor Krum - Inactive]

"You don't say?" All of this was confirming that Cedric was indeed a spare. A tempting, sexy spare that needed to go take his hand, and leave Viktor alone. "You know, I think ve may have a few spares in this school. Or at least von. Good thing I don't plan on talking to him anymore."

[Alice Prewett]

"Good, because next thing you know, you'll be having sex with this spare in the prefect's bathroom again. Spares are very flirtatious and will stop at nothing to snog shirtless ducks on a beach." Alice rummages through her bag and pulls out a book. "Here, take this book. This is how I know so much about spares." She hands the book entitled, The Spare Code, to Viktor.

[Viktor Krum - Inactive]

Viktor took the book gratefully, and casually flipped through the pages looking at all the different rules and ways of spotting a spare. Most of them seemed to be Hufflepuffs or champions that always got dragged off to graveyards where they don't belong. "On a beach, you say? Huh. That's odd," he said as if he had not spent a few long minutes snogging what he was sure to be a spare on the sandy beach the other day. "Do spares tend to be good kissers?" he asked curiously.

[Alice Prewett]

"Oh, they're the best. Spares tend to date the school hottie, and get their technique to be magnificent, and then they go gay, if they somehow don't die, of course, and start preying on poor, innocent ducks."

[Viktor Krum - Inactive]

"Vot about not-so-innocent ducks? Are spares interested in them?" Viktor Krum is apprehensive about the answer. He may be a duck, but he is not innocent. No one can fuck underwater and be innocent-- Except Regulus, but he's the exception.

[Alice Prewett]

"They're what spares love most of all," Alice says forlornly. "So, sorry Viktor. You're screwed. Most likely by a spare."

[Viktor Krum - Inactive]

"Oh. I'm the von who usually does the screwing," he said firmly for it is true. "And I think I'll be keeping a very safe distance from any spares. Maybe move to Middle Earth until he gives up."

[Alice Prewett]

"No, because Legolas is a spare, and he will hunt you down relentlessly until he has his way with you." Alice rolls around on the ground some more. "The only place you will be safe is... PIGFARTS."

[Viktor Krum - Inactive]

"Pigfarts? Never heard of it," he said with a shrug. "Is it far from here? I could just pack up my boyfriend and head over there after I graduate. I really don't like the idea of being hunted down by Ced-- Er- Legolas."

[Alice Prewett]

"Never heard of it? Figures. Famous Krum doesn't even know about Pigfarts," says Alice, rolling off the stump where she had been sitting. "Pigfarts is only the greatest wizarding school in the galaxy."

[Viktor Krum - Inactive]

"Oh really? Better than Hogvarts? Vare is this Pigfarts if it's so great," he asked sounding amused, yet curious to learn about this totally awesome school.

[Romilda Vane]

Have I mentioned lately that I love you two?

[Alice Prewett]

"Pigfarts," Alice begins dramatically, "is on Mars."

[Viktor Krum - Inactive]

-dies-

"Mars!? You're joking....Really?" he asks with wide eyes because he's always wanted to go to Mars.

[Alice Prewett]

"My parents don't have enough money to buy out NASA, and neither do Draco Malfoy's. But the headmaster, he's a lion, who can talk."

[Viktor Krum - Inactive]

"Vaaat? A lion who can talk!? Impossible...Tell me more!" he exclaims excitedly. "You know, I am rich from being famous and all. Maybe I could buy a rocket ship and ve could go together! You could show me around and introduce me to this lion."

[Alice Prewett]

"That'd be awesome! Our headmaster is an old coot! He's nothing like Rumbleroar. He's the headmaster lion! Who can talk," Alice says again, making sure that the idea is drilled into his head. "You know, they don't have dances at Pigfarts. All the noise would disturb Rumbleroar's sleeping cubs. But anyway, our trip to Mars is going to be totally awesome!"

[Sponsored content]