Re: The Lovegood's Rook

[Eileen Prince]

"Did you bring the cat in? There are blobs running amok!" He thought they had a cat. It was black... or blue. Yeah, one day Lysander and he had dyed it blue. He wondered if it was still alive.

[Lysander Scamander]

"The cat? WHAT ABOUT THE DRAGON?" He could see his dads attention leading back to the food on the floor, Lysander jumped up getting his dads attention, "Er... LORCAN GOT ROSE PREGNANT." He spitballed wildly. It was a fatal flaw of the two, they made up ridiclous storys when under pressure. His dads eyebrow shot up in disbelif, he opened his mouth to talk, but Lysander cut him off, "AND ITS A WEREWOLF BABY!" He cried out. Yeah... that was believable.

[Eileen Prince]

Lorcan stared up at his brother. These outlandish lies were getting too personal. "LYSANDER DID IT FIRST!" He shouted, pointing fingers wildly, "MOM DID IT TOO."

[Lysander Scamander]

Lysander glared at Lorcan, He needed to take the heat away from him, and momentarily forgetting it was his dad he was talking to he blurted out, "DAD HAS STD'S... THAT HE COLLECTS AND NAMES. ONE OF THEM IS CALLED LUNA, ANOTHER ONES CALLED HARRY, AND LOVEGOOD." He paused for breath then carried on, "AND ITS TRUE MUM GOT ROSE PREGNANT!" He took deep breaths not really regeristing what he was saying anymore. He looked at Lorcan indicating it was his turn.

[Eileen Prince]

Lorcan took the cue to shout, "HE'S GOT ONE NAMED FAYE, TOO. I HEARD HIM TALKING TO IT." He then realized they were spreading rumours about their dad while talking to him. "Mom's got one called a Snorkack. I'd get tested for that, dad. Sounds nasty."

[Lysander Scamander]

"Oh yeah" Lysander turned to his dad, "That one gets nasty. Start touching it wrong and BOOM. It explodes. one of the few I havn't had But I'd watch out, Faye might get hurt by that one., Here" Lysander reached into his back pocket and got out some leaflets for his dad, they read 'SO YOU'VE GOT AN STD? and NO GLOVE NO LOVE., "I know whan you are young and in love its hard to control yourself, but its a nessisity... Right Lorcan?" He turned to his brother.

[Eileen Prince]

"That's certainly right." He nodded, "We'll teach you how to be properly protected. Lets start with the banana technique." He looked around quickly to see if there were any bananas and spotted one that didn't pass the five second rule test. He pulled a condom out of his back pocket. He unwrapped it and started putting it on, struggling to get it on right. He handed it to his brother to fix with a disappointed sigh.

[Lysander Scamander]

Lysander did it in a blink. He looked around to see confused faces. "Okay, watch closely and this time do not blink ready...?" And he did it again ina second. "Right now, you must always leave a little at the top, so your little swimmers have somewhere to go okay?" He said looking at his dad. "And remember, keep these little suckers," He indicated to the condom, "They are really usuful to fling at the neighbour when he is mowing the lawn!"

[Eileen Prince]

Lorcan watched closely and, when the deed was done, nodded as if he had known how all along. "And that's all there is to it." He smiled, hoping the slight mess on the floor was a thing of the past by now.

[Lysander Scamander]

Lysander looked at his dad, "Happy? Its pretty simple. Now I know your first time can be scary. But its okay, and completely natural." He looked curiously at Lorcan, did he even know how to do this? No wonder Rose had been pregnant so may times. Lorcan should really get all the necessary protection gear before playing miniture Quiddich. "Right, the ladys... area is a new territory for you, so here..." Lysander whipped out a pocket sized diagram for his dad to take a look at.

[Eileen Prince]

Lorcan continued nodding, pointing at the diagram. "This is where you put the banana. There are many ways to customize how you do this, but the general plan of action is the same."

[Lysander Scamander]

"Yeah. Be inventive if you want. Not on your first go though. Someone might get hurt..." He looked over at Lorcan knowing that something of that sort had happened to him. He slyly handed Lorcan a copy of the diagram too. He know his brother would appriciate it. "Now, the male reproductive parts are- No dad, keep that Diagram you will need it. Here take a plastic wallet to put it all in. There you go. Name it so you dont lose it! Right, here is the male reproductive parts diagram. Yes, see how its is different to the females" Lysander pointed to a particular bit, "Tha- Yes I know it looks weird... but thats the Penis. That is P-E--Write this down! Good, that is P-E-N-I-S"

[Eileen Prince]

Lorcan slyly slipped the diagram into his back pocket for careful examination later. He and Rose could study it by candlelight. "Right." He said after Lysander had spelt out penis for them. "And that is what the banana represents. Still with us?" He looked around for other foods that didn't make it. He spotted a bagel a few metres away and went to pick it up, handing it to Lysander. He was better at this part.

[Lysander Scamander]

"Ahhhh, thank you Lorcan. Dad, Bagel is the Vagina. Lorcan, if you will do the honours with the Banana?" Lysander held the bagel up high like a shooting hoop.

[Eileen Prince]

Lorcan took the condom covered banana and, with the fact that this is not a rated thread in mind, pushed the condom covered end through the hoop. "Now, this might hurt the bagel a bit if there's never been anything in it before. I wonder if mom has ever done something like this? Well, you'll know. It might be like taking the middle out of a donut, but something tells me she's no donut."

[Lysander Scamander]

"Ya know Lorc, I ahve a feeling that Mum hasn't done anything like that before, so dad, be careful okay. If she wants you to stop, stop." Lysander took the banana out of the bagel and started to eating it. "You should have a code word... like 'The walrus sings at midnight' Just incase it gets too much for her." Lysander sprayed food everywhere.

[Eileen Prince]

Lorcan turned to Lysander, "You idiot. Walruses don't sing, they just eat. Kinda like you." He added, noting the spraying of the food. "It should be 'The walrus eats at midnight'. Or dances. I hear they're pro dancers."

[Lysander Scamander]

"Dancing? Really?" Lysanders attention was drawn away from his father to his brother. "Did you know I once saw a peguin dance? I swear on my life... And it waved at me!"

[Eileen Prince]

"No, see, penguins sing. You've got it mixed up. It's part of their society, though I have heard of the odd case of dancing penguins. They're dubbed penguins with 'happy feet'." He shook his head sadly, "It makes it hard for them to find a mate, apparently. Simply tragic."

[Lysander Scamander]

"'Happy feet' can't find a date? Why, that is simply terrible...I thought dancing impressed any females! Regardless of species!" Lysander slammed out a breakdance move on the messy kitchen floor geting food on him, and unconveniently kicking his dad. It did worry him slightly that his dad had not spoken yet... He was a bit broody. "Singing? I thought that was Lions? Or can they both do that?"

[Eileen Prince]

He shrugged, "I don't see why a lion wouldn't be able to sing. They must need such powerful voices to address the jungle peons." He paused for a minute, "Yeah, I'm sure they could. You know, I hear seaweeds sing and dance. If they could act they could tryout for that TV show. Umm, Triple Threat or something." He shrugged again, "I didn't like that show, anyways."

[Lysander Scamander]

"Yeah, I didn't like that show either." Lysander sighed and leaned his head again Lorcans shoud, "Dad hasn't said anything in a while.." He looked at his brooding dad whos face was now positivly bright red with anger. "He looks funny..."

[Eileen Prince]

"Yeah, right." Lorcan said with a laugh. He nudged Lysander in the side with his elbow. "I bet he's just itching to break into song and dance."

[Rolf Scamander]

"ENOUGH!" Rolf roars because Dom is finally posting and interrupting her sons. Er-Rolf's sons. "First off boys, I don't think I need a sex education lesson from either of you. If anything, I should be taking out the bananas and cucumbers and talking to the both of you about. I don't have STDs! Neither does your mother! How dare either of you make false accusations like that! Both your mother and I are extremely loyal and loving to each other, and would appreciate it if you stopped making absurd claims. I have half the mind to send you both to your rooms right now and make sure neither of you have dessert tonight!"

[Eileen Prince]

Lorcan remained silent, struggling with his inner voices that shouted at him to point out that all the desert had already been eaten by them or now occupied the floor. Instead, he solemnly put the banana on the counter and sat down, "Care to show us how it's done, then?"

[Sponsored content]