Re: The Lovegood's Rook

[Rolf Scamander]

"No son, it's gotta be a brand new one. Nothing that was used on Tanya or Claire or Lily or whoever else you've been fucking lately. BRAND SPANKING NEW. Got it?" he asks.

[Lysander Scamander]

He lifted his head up, "Dad, Ima regular. Mt order comes in enxt week, just grab one from there. And there is some nice flavoured condoms for ya too."

[Rolf Scamander]

Rolf facepalms. The fact that his song is a regular is a bit concerning. "Well, thanks for the offer, but your mum and I are find in the condom department. Merlin knows you should use them more, considering all of your STDs."

[Lysander Scamander]

"I already told you this! I have 5! One less than Lorcan. I dont see you riding him about this!" Lysander complained. His werent even that bad!

[Rose Weasley]

Dom enters through the front door. "Hi Mrs. Scamander," she smiles warmly. She glares at Rose, her horrible cousins, and decides that if Rose is a bitch, then Dom is going to steal Lorcan and have hot and kinky mirror sex. Just to spite her.

WHOA. OKAY. JUST SAW THIS. WTF?

Dommmmmmmm is sooooooo niceeeee and I loveeeee herrrrrr...

[Rolf Scamander]

"Well, that's because I know that he is whipped and is only with Rose. So, if they have STDs in their relationship, it must be Rose's fault. You on the other hand, or the giver of STDs to many young girls. That's why," he explains.

[Oh, hahahaha. I tottttttttalllly forgot about that. Erm, oops? *coughs* I love you Dee!]

[Lysander Scamander]

"Mmm. Rose is a little minx and has been around the block a little. Actually I might be responsible for one of those STDs.... And most of mine from that Lily girl actually."

[Rolf Scamander]

"My gods Lys," he says shaking his head. "Seems like the Weasley's and Potter's really need to get tested. Maybe I should write Ron and Harry a letter," he thinks out loud. "Yes, that'd probably be a good idea. The less STDs going around, the better."

[Lysander Scamander]

"Im getting cleared up this week anyway, so its okay. But, yeah pretty much all the Weasleys have STDs actually. Its the red hair I swear. Anyyyy ways. I ahve a ring to destroy. This has been truley enlightening, but I am going to be a whiney bitch and get to the top of moutn doom, have a change of heart then actually finally, after 10 long hours get round to destroying the ring!" And with the he hopped up and out.

[Rolf Scamander]

Rolf watches his crazy son leave, then shakes his head. What did him and Luna do to deserve such a goof? What did they do to deserve such as sexually active teenager with countless STDs? When the boys were eleven, they had gone over the condom-banana technique. He sighs, then stands up from the table and heads upstairs.

[Lysander Scamander]

[Lets just say you werent very clear with the whole banana thing. When ever Lysander has sex, there is always a banana with a condom on next to his bed....]

[Rolf Scamander]

[OMFG, hahahahhahahahahah. I love you. I would DIE if someone actually thought/did this in real life. DIE.]

[Lysander Scamander]

Lysander strolled back in, having successfully destroyed the ring, and on the way back through he stopped in Narnia and kicked the white witches arse, then she tried to come back, so he had to finish her off by stabbing her. Then to make matters worse, just before he was about to step in the front door he go whirled away to freaking Oz, where this little people wanted him to defeat the Wicked witch of the west. So, he went over the to be pretend to be kind, and earn her trust when he accidently tripped and spilt water on her making her melt. But now he was finally home. He let out a content sigh. All in a days work eh? He went to the fridge, like he did every time he came home and stuffed himself silly, wondering where his Mum and Dad were. Or Lorcan for that matter. He listened intently to see if they were having sex or something....no such luck.

[Ravenclaw Mod]

Luna walks down the stairs where she saw her long, lost son. She runs over and gives him a huge, suffocating hug. "LYSANDER I MISSED YOU!"

[Lysander Scamander]

Lysander suddenly found himself suffpocated by a bundle of blonde hair and the familiar smell of his mum. He hugged her back, "Hey, Sorry I have been gone so long. You would not belive what happened. Put it this way, Frodo went all AWOL on us." He smiled brightly.

[Ravenclaw Mod]

Luna sighs. "Again?" She returns the bright smile. "So- how 'bout some breakfast!?"

[Lysander Scamander]

Lysanders eyes turned dark..."Mum, I saw some grave things on the path to Mount Doom. The evil of the ring took away my feelings, my hope for the future, my faith in all that is good. It even took away my sanity. But one thing it will never take is my appitite," He brightened again suddenly, "So breakfast sounds great!"

[Ravenclaw Mod]

Luna blinked and made a mental note to leave extra condoms in Lysander's room. He'd probably be needing them soon. "Well alrighty then! Pancakes or waffles?"

[Lysander Scamander]

"Both please. I have been living of Elven bread. It kinda sucks." Lysander got out some plates, "How have you and dad been?.. Oh and Lorcan hasn't mentioned anything about er... losing any money has he?" Lysander looked around awkwardly.

[Ravenclaw Mod]

Luna starts mixing up the waffle and pancake batter. "Your dad's been fine. He's off at work, writing an article about something or other. Losing money? Why would Lorcan be losing money?" she asks suspiciously.

[Lysander Scamander]

Lysander straightens up. "No reason what so ever!" When she was turned towards the stove he got out his wand, and Lorcans piggy bank and levitated it up to Lorcans room. Empty.

[Ravenclaw Mod]

Luna notices nothing as she turns back around to serve up pancakes and waffles for her and her son. She sits down to eat at the table without Lorcan and Rolf because Lorcan is MIA and Rolf is either at work or off cheating on her. "So- meet any nice girls?" she asks, hoping he'll settle down and stop being a manwhore.

[Lysander Scamander]

Lysander proceeds to stuff his face with the food, "Nu-uh. Just here and there. Man whoring around. You know. Its a pretty good life actually. Is dad cheating on you?" He asked for no reason what so ever.

[Ravenclaw Mod]

"What? Er- I don't think so. Not that I know of. If he is then some serious shit is about to go down."

[Lysander Scamander]

"Some serious shit eh?" Lysander leant forwards, "What kinda shit?"

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